dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
