you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Less talking, more tequila
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
