I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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