Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
