and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
