I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
whose parrot is this?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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