hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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