Who wears a wallet chain?!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
