He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
