I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
