How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize