And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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