No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The beer is more important than you right now.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
