Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
