We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
