He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
