WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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