: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
