Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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