why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
