Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
