I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
