be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
