i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
