hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
