There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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