I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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