You were right. It hurts to walk today.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
