You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
