I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
