he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
