No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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