I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
