i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
