Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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