Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Operation Purity has been aborted
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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