So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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