So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
