I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
