you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
