I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
