Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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