One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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