So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize