Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
