Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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