his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
