is your mom at the bar?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
