If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
vagina is talking i cant
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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