he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I am midnight drunk by noon
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I love having hate sex.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
