I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
