at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
