I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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