ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This is my gift to your gina
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
