i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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