I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
