You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
