this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
