Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
my poor anus
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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