Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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