I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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