Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
