Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
