At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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