im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
ok first of all what the fuck
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The air taste purple.
Randomize
