You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
