Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
